


39 - Kiss Me Like You Mean It

by AetherAria



Series: 69 Love Stories [2]
Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 04:03:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7919803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AetherAria/pseuds/AetherAria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxanne has a wedding to go to, and she needs a proper plus one to accompany her, to help finally convince her family that she's not dating the local hero. Maybe it doesn't make much sense to go asking the local villain to help with that, but since when has Roxanne's life ever made sense? </p><p> Rated G for now, but considering my pottymouth y'all should expect it to run at LEAST through T.</p>
            </blockquote>





	39 - Kiss Me Like You Mean It

**Author's Note:**

> The 69 Love Stories fics are unrelated one-shots, each inspired by a different song from the album 69 Love Songs, by The Magnetic Fields.
> 
> Fake Dating Trope AU, because we all have to do things that make us happy, y'know? I figured I may as well post the intro chapter to this, considering I already caved and put it on tumblr.

“I need a favor.”

Roxanne regrets asking almost before the words are out of her mouth, but Megamind doesn’t start laughing at her immediately, so maybe she’ll be okay. He looks surprised, and she takes a deep breath before she continues. “Minion told me about the disguise generator and-”

“ _Min_ ion,” Megamind interrupts, spinning on his heel to face the wide-eyed fish with his cape flaring behind him. “ _How_ many times do I have to I have to tell you not to reveal trade secrets to the _nosy reporter_? How am I supposed to maintain a professional environment of terror like this!”

“Sorry, Sir-”

“Don’t yell at him,” Roxanne says, narrowing her eyes. “It wasn’t his fault.”

“I can’t very well yell at _you_ , Miss Ritchi.” Megamind scowls. “Investigating is your _job_ , but Minion’s job is, at the very least, to _not reveal delicate information_. Hence,” he gestures to the air in front of him, as if that about covers it.

“Getting off topic.” Roxanne inhales slowly to shore up her nerve. “I need you to use the disguise generator to pretend to be my boyfriend for a long weekend.”

The fish and the villain both- stare. And continue staring. Roxanne really, truly hopes they aren’t about to start laughing at her. After a long moment the tension breaks when Megamind and Minion simultaneously shoot each other a look, the former suspicious, the latter confused.

“Is this-” Megamind presses his hand to his lips for a moment, his eyes flicking between her and Minion. “Is this some sort of joke? Are the two of you pranking on me?”

“Of course not, Sir!”

“No, it’s- trust me, I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t need to, but-” Megamind’s expression changes, flattens, but she forges ahead anyway, “but I mean, hey! I have a fully stamped Frequent Kidnapping Card to cash in on, so-”

“Hm, we do owe Miss Ritchi one Large Favor, Sir.”

“This seems a bit excessive!” Megamind’s voice is somewhat strangled.

“Just for a weekend. Please.”

The ‘please’ appears to stop the villain short, and his entire face contorts in a grimace as he looks down at her. “You… so I would have to pretend to be Metro Mahn for a weekend, all love-ay dove-ay with you and, and hold hands? As _him_?” He actually looks a few levels above uncomfortable at the thought.

Roxanne fights an urge to roll her eyes. “I’m not dating Metro Man,” she says in a sudden rush. “That’s why I need- this.”

“You-” Megamind blinks. “ _What_?”

“I’ve never dated him. Ever. We’re friends,” she says simply, shrugging. “But nobody ever believes that. Not even- not even my parents. So I kind of- I made up a boyfriend so I could convince them I wasn’t dating Metro Man. It was just a stupid little thing at first, so they would stop asking me if we were going to, I don’t know, get _married_ or whatever, but it’s kind of gotten out of control and I’m going to my cousin’s wedding next week and they think this made-up boyfriend is coming with me, because they’ve heard every possible excuse by now, and if I tell them I just made this guy up, they’re gonna go right back to the Roxanne-loves-Metro-Man camp and I can’t deal with that anymore so-” she finally pauses to take a breath, a little surprised that Megamind has let her get this far, but he’s just gaping at her, eyes and mouth wide, “so I need a fake boyfriend for the weekend. And _you_ have a disguise generator.”

After a long moment during which it becomes clear that Megamind is still Processing this new information, Minion pipes up. “Er, why don’t you just ask a friend to help you out?”

Roxanne almost blurts, isn’t that what I’m doing? But she course corrects just in time. “None of them believe that Metro Man and I aren’t dating, and they’re all terrified to be the ‘other man’ in _that_ scenario. My only other option is my cameraman, Hal, and…” she trails off, and Minion gives her a sympathetic wince. “Yeah, I don’t think so.”

“But- you’d rather have a supervillain on your arm?” Minion asks, more curious than judgmental.

“Than Hal?” Roxanne makes a noise that can only be described as a guffaw. “Oh, absolutely.”

Megamind blinks back to himself finally, enough to say, “You- you’re _sure_ that you aren’t dating the hero?”

“I damn well know who I’m dating and who I’m not, Megamind.”

“Well, _yes_ , but- _why_?” He gestures wildly, flinging his hands out. “He’s the hero! He’s always rescuing you from certain doom!” Roxanne would prefer to call it ‘mild peril’, but Megmaind continues before she can interrupt with snark. “He’s got the costume and the muscles-” (Roxanne’s eyes automatically run down Megamind’s own costumed body, the lean musculature there, before she forces herself to stop) “and the powers and the key to the city and the _hair_!”

“I’m not obligated to date him just because he saves me,” she says with a frown, “and besides, he just isn’t my type.” She’s not really _his_ type, either, but there’s no reason to blurt that to Megamind. She sighs. “Look, either you believe me or you don’t, and either you’re going to let me cash in the Card for this favor or you aren’t. Either way, can we get off the not-dating-Metro-Man topic now? It’s exhausting.”

Minion and Megamind meet each other’s eyes, a brief silent communication happening that Roxanne isn’t privy to. It ends when Minion shrugs and smiles in a wincing sort of way, and Megamind turns back to her, his expression calculating.

“One weekend?”

“Long weekend. Friday through Sunday.”

“And you would want me in an appropriate human disguise?”

“Don’t use the face of any celebrities or convicted felons, and no one who looks too much like Metro Man. Anything else is fine.”

Megamind and Minion look at each other again; there is more expressive eyebrow movement than Roxanne knows how to interpret. Minion is beginning to look a little wary, but Megamind- Megamind has his mask up, his expression deliberately neutral, but just beneath the surface Roxanne can see-

He almost looks eager. She didn’t expect that.

“I accept your request,” Megamind says, tone carefully flat. “Minion will take your Fully Stamped Card, and we’ll discuss the particulars later in the week. In the meantime,” he gestures to the deathtrap Roxanne is positioned above. Hm. She almost forgot about that. “Can we please get on with this kidnapping?”


End file.
